THE INTERVIEW, transcribed to the best of my ability
(Goofin' On The Job)
Rhett and Mikah

R: I'm Rhett Holland, and I'm here with Mikah Harris, famous cripple. (laughs weirdly) and I've, uh, i've got an interview for you,
(Mikah pops a wheelie in his wheelchair)
R: -okay, well, that's a nice wheelie you're doing, you're kind of rubbing up against my leg all sexually, I don't like that.
(Rhett inhales exaggeratedly)
R: So, uh, why don't we just go ahead and start.. I'm gonna punch you in the nuts if you keep doing that.
(Mikah keeps doing that, so Rhett punches him in the nuts and Mikah lets out his famous mating call.)
R: Aright. First question. What is your favorite kind of bread?
M: The crippled kind.
R: Okay. Um.. You gay or straight?
M: Crippled.
R: Okay.. okay. 
(Rhett chortles.)
R: Why do you keep rubbing your legs up against me?
M: Cause I'm crippled.
R: That's not a reason! Why do you keep looking straight up at the sky?
M: Cos I'm crippled.
R: You're supposed to lock eyes with the interviewer, and be, like, a good person.
M: I'm crippled.
R: Alllriiight. 
(Mikah rubs against his legs again)
R: Dude! 
M: I stay crippled in this bitch-
(Jumpcut)
R: Can you do the stanky leg?
M: No, I'm crippled. I can do the stanky arm.
R: Do the stanky arm then.
(Mikah does the stanky arm. Jumpcut.)
M: I'm crippled. 
R: You're crippled?
M: I'm crippled.
R: So how did you find out you were crippled?
M: I don't know. My legs just stopped working one day.
R: And who.. who was the first to notice?
M: Me.
(Jumpcut)
R: Any closing thoughts?
M: I'm crippled.
R: Okay. 
(Rhett jams the butt end of the microphone into Mikah's nether regions. End of short.)